Friday, December 9, 2011


People who work hard themselves would have a clue as to how hard you work for your life. I find it annoying that I have to justify how I deserve my life. I find it heart-breaking when someone successful has to justify their success. We may not always see it, but those people work hard for their lives. They may give the impression that they don't work hard - they handle stress extremely well, they seem to be put together all the time - but those things are skills and they are hard work to project in real life.

I don't brag about how stressed I get in my day to day life. It is like - really? Seriously? I am stressed on a daily basis - this helps me to get through the day in a way that I like it. I am more organised, more switched on, more focused when I am stressed. At the end of the day, I can relax better because I feel like I have given it my best today, everyday. When I am not stressed, I feel like I am less efficient. All of these may sound weird, but I do like a bit of stress in my life, in small manageable doses. It helps me become a better person - or at least, I feel that way.

I hate telling people how busy I am. I am busy by default. At any given time, I have a job or two, or sometimes three or four. I have a family that I see at least once a week. I have friends that I want to see at least once a month. I need to recharge and I need to organise my life. I need to spend time to connect with families back home and I need to check in on families in other parts of the globe. I don't need to tell people I am busy. In fact, I hate being busy to a certain extent because I cannot have the time to see the people that I want to see (and this is annoying). I love the people in my life and they contribute to me being who I am. They help me to put things in perspective and they help me stay grounded.

I am someone who is kind of like an open book - and not everyone understands me because not everybody speaks my lingo. Yet those who do read me like a novel. Over the years, I realise that I am perhaps less blunt in my approach to living. However, one thing I find useful is to just ask for what you want - and those who love you would give it to you most of the time. The rest of the time, I get something better. Does this sound too good to be true? Then I guess I am a very lucky person.

I am very thankful for everything that I have in my life (mostly the love I share with various people) and for everything that I don't have in my life (life-threatening diseases for example). I am happy that I have this life and I am happy that I can work towards a better life. I am grateful that I have supportive people in my life. I have no problem walking away from those people who suck energy out of me. My time and capacity are limited and so I want to utilise them the best I can.

I am different. I have known this for the longest time. My friends know that I am different - they said that this is why they are attracted to be my friends in the first place. I am a nice person. I am smart, I am beautiful, I look into people's eyes when I am talking to them. I enjoy a deep personal connection with people I love. I take enough chances to grow in life. I get up reasonably quickly after I fall (yes, I do fall despite taking precautions not to fall). I make mistakes and I admit them and I learn from them. I share my life and my knowledge, I am generous with information.

I find life to be satisfying when I am consciously working hard for a better life. I learn to work with my own rhythm and I am marching to the sound of my own drums. I am dancing to the sound of my tunes and I would love to do it in daylight in addition to doing it in dim lights. I have my own standards and I live my life according to those.

In short, I am comfortable with my choices in life. I work bloody hard for this life. I see the good in people and I focus on those more than the bad. I treat my friends better than my non-friends and this is what friendship is all about. I am respectful to everyone, and I am extra nice to those I love. Does this mean I have double standards? Then so be it. I personally think I don't - then again, this is just what I am comfortable with. I know that I cannot be equally nice to everybody. I know that some people matter more than others.

So please, don't take it personally.

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