Wednesday, December 14, 2011

An overwhelming sense of entitlement

Started the day with some lovely girls - I thought to myself that we are our own version of lipstick jungle. Well, sort of. We are not high powered yet, although it would be nice when one we make it. I miss talking to my girls because I can just feel like they understand me a lot. And they don't judge me. And most importantly, they are honest with me. I don't think I can ask for anything better in life.

After all, what is life when you can't share it with those you love. Our friends are the people we choose to love. Our family are the ones we often have to learn to love. In both, there are bonds, but these bonds are different. Family tends to take you for granted and vice versa. Friends you tend to appreciate more and vice versa. When one day we manage to treat our family like our friends, then maybe we can just love them instead of learning to love them.

As you can pick up, I am having issues with my family. To be fair, I have always had issues with my family. So I can understand those who have issues with their families - and I promise I won't judge. I can understand those who want to break free. I can understand those who feel restricted. I can understand those who just want to be themselves - and that is it.

At times, families do impose expectations on you - like you have be a certain way, you have to do certain things - particularly when it comes to helping them. Family expects you to help them, while friends ask nicely. I help people whenever I can, insofar as I can - and when they ask nicely. I don't help everybody, I judge whom I am going to help. This judgement is affected by how nicely they ask for the favour. When they ask nicely, when they don't come across as so entitled, then yes, I do help them. When I can sense an overwhelming sense of entitlement coming through, that is when I prefer not to help. No one in this planet is obliged to help you. Nobody has to help you. People choose to help you, they almost never have to do it.

There are some family members that I like more than others - what can I say, I am judgemental. I prefer not to go out of my way to help those I don't really like, just because I don't feel like it. These are the people whom I feel will not pull through in the moments that I need them most. These are the ones with an overwhelming sense of entitlement - who demands help, who always pose themselves as needing everything. Yes, I do work hard for all those digits in my bank account - and guess what? I am working hard for me and only me. I don't work hard for you and I certainly don't work hard for your children. They are your children, they are your responsibility. Nobody should take care of them but you. If you don't want to take care of them, then don't have any children. I know that I don't want to spend my time looking after children that is why I don't have them right now. If you don't want to spend your time looking after them, then don't have children. If you didn't expect it to be this way, then too bad, because you are stuck with them for life. Get over it and move on.

The extent to which they demand astounds me a lot. I have never come across human beings with no sense of guilt, or at least some form of uncomfortable feeling asking for something that other people have worked so hard for. How can one feel so entitled to something that they did not work for? How can one feel so entitled for other's time that they ask for favours without consideration of other people's time? They may not have children, but they still have a life. A life that does not centre around you. A life that they live in and they make plans and they have people to see and things to do.

I know that in the past, my family has not always pulled through. Does this disappoint me? I would be lying if I say it does not. Consequently, I consciously say no when those family members ask for my help. I admit that they are really good in telling their stories and in saying things to make me say yes, but I have learnt to be more cautious, especially when they are pulling favours.

I guess, I am just pissed off. When I am pissed off, I stay away. Heck, at times, even when I am not pissed off, I stay away. I can understand those who need space because heck, I need space. Right now, I am angry and I don't want to see my family. Actually, it is only one person that I don't want to see. But because I don't want to see this one person, I end up not wanting to see everyone else. Yeah, it is somewhat complicated. I can't just avoid one person, I end up avoiding the whole clan.

The remedy to this is actually rather simple - do the things that you want to do, and don't waste your time doing the things you don't want to do. And I am going to do exactly just that.

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