Tuesday, February 28, 2012

An overwhelming sense of disbelief

Feels like we are back in 2009.

You told me you were getting married. You told me you wanted me there. You told me it was to the same guy who cancelled on you. You told me that this time, it was going to be small and intimate. Males banget sama big wedding.

I don't know what to say so I asked my boss (who is also my cubicle buddy), who very kindly said that I should shut up and keep my thoughts to myself. He has this tendency to be right on a lot of things, so I followed his advice and conveyed my congratulations. But I could not bring myself to tell her that I was happy for her. I am not even sure I am happy for her.

How important is the past to you? I'd like to say that it is not that important to me - especially if it is your family's past that is the question, but lately I am beginning to realise that a significant portion of who we are today is the shadow of what we did in the past. These are the things that we would always carry with us for the rest of our lives, shape us and mould us to what we are today and the destinations that we choose to forward to. Where we are today and where we are going will never be able to erase our past - and also the lives of those around us.

For whatever reason she chose whatever she chose, be it because she'd like to be different than him, or that she wants to gain the upper hand in the relationship for the rest of her life, or whatever else, I can't begin to comprehend this thing they said is called love and its resultant impact on the rationality of mankind.

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