Exhaustion

My shoulder is getting better thanks to these heat patches - the ones that are so hot that I could feel it burning my skin literally. I have gained most movement on my neck, although I can feel that my neck is swollen too. I don't think it was swollen yesterday, so it could be because it is overcompensating for the other muscles that were not working. I don't know. But I am sick and tired of being sick and I realise how important health really is.

I feel exhausted. I don't have any other way of explaining it, but I am just exhausted. I am pretty sure it is because of my neck and shoulder. Or maybe because I am getting older. And I don't want to get older. I can't imagine getting older, can't imagine losing my health, my freedom, my independence, can't imagine not being able to work, not being able to walk, etc etc etc. Really. The thought itself is enough to depress me.