Thursday, November 17, 2011

Getting older

My birthday is coming up and like always, I wanted to celebrate it. I think it is time that I do (it has been YEARS since my last 'proper' celebration) and it would be nice to finally do something I have been talking about for the longest time. This morning I woke up and lost that desire to celebrate for no apparent reason. I am beginning to think that I am more excited about the idea of celebrating rather than the actual celebration itself.

I have no problem with birthdays and telling people my age if they ask. Getting older is something I am coming around to accepting slowly, and I hope that it is accompanied by my growth in maturity. In some areas, I am doing fine. In others, I know I am lacking and I am working my ass off to make sure that I improve in those. I hope I can overcome life's challenges and emerge as a winner in most situations and learn from all of those so that I can really be a better person.

There are bits I like about getting older - I feel better, I work better and my bank account is better. The bits that I don't really like - I am watching my wrinkles like a hawk. In fact, now I can understand how those skin care companies make money. And also hair care companies. It is like seriously - they project the image of perfection that is so enticing that it is hard to turn away from them. I can't even begin to count how much money I spent on hair care and skin care this year.

One thing that I am watching out for is the level of my material possession - I really do not want to be one of those people who hoard everything. In fact, I would like to downsize some more. I walked around the mall last night and instead of finding things I'd like to bring home, I was thinking of how good it would feel to donate some things for Christmas. I don't really need that much clothes, do I? Or that much bags and shoes?

What is important to me is that I am healthy, I am happy and I am comfortable. Oh, and that I look good. Looking good is a bigger challenge these days - because I do not want to shop as much as I used to. I used to look forward to every shopping trip and had lots of impromptu trips - but these are rare and more likely to unsuccessful, that is, coming home empty handed.

Is this a function of getting older, I don't know. Meanwhile, I am letting go of the idea of celebration because as much as I like being the centre of attention, I feel like I am already the centre of attention of my own life, and I really don't need to bother other people to make me feel better about myself. I know that my friends and family love me to bits and that feels so good there is no word that can properly describe that.

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