Saturday, August 11, 2012


I am thinking about Toby. 

Sometime ago, in 2007, I think, we took about an hour out of our crazy schedules and had lunch somewhere in the university grounds. I kept him waiting for 10 minutes because I could not get out of the PhD centre without having people stopping me and wanting to have a chat with me. 

I did not remember this until I came across a piece of writing about this particular moment in time. I wanted to remember it, obviously, but I cannot remember what was it we talked about in detail. All that I wrote is that we are very lucky people. I honestly do not think he had any other ulterior motive than friendship, I mean, surely, he was not attracted to me that way. 

What I did not write about was that, later that year, we had dinner together. I finished my doctorate, started my foot prints outside academia and made the trip back to see him. It was just a friendly catch up and was also the last time that I saw him. He was always a positive person, and I sort of miss him right now. 

I wonder how he is doing. I wonder where he is and I wonder what is it that he is studying right now. He said that once he finished his doctorate, he wanted to study a new field, because he just could not live without studying anything. Hehe - so typical. I wanted to study law but never pulled the trigger. Laziness, I suppose. Plus I'd like to experience life some other way. 

Anyway, I am thinking of looking him up on Google. Ok, confession time, I just did. 

Something is stopping me from logging into my email and writing him a short email. And that something is the fact that he was/is friends with my ex. 

This is a chapter in my life that I do not wish to revisit or discuss ever. Yet at the same time I find it some what stupid that I am basing my decision on this fact because I am letting it control me that much. 

I shall think about this and take an appropriate course of action. 

Meanwhile, happy weekend! 

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