Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Why you definitely cannot be my husband and we probably can't be friends

Sometime ago, I declined a marriage proposal. For a good reason. Or two. First, I have not dated this guy. Second, he was (and still is) on the other side of the ocean. Third, he confessed to me, in private, that he is gay. 

Nothing wrong with that, of course. In fact, I don't care what his sexual orientation is. Should I? I can only care about my own sexual orientation, and as much as I love women because they are beautiful, I prefer making love to men. 

Anyway. Back to the story. 

Before I declined, I had the opportunity to ask why he asked me to marry him. His answer: (1) his mother has been pressuring him to get married; (2) you (meaning me) are smart, so you are someone who would be good for our kids (gawd, kids already?); (3) because you are open minded, so you would not mind me being gay. 

Gulp. Whatever happened to this thing called love?

There are some friends who are male whom I have no trouble confessing my love to. Not that I love them in the romantic sense or anything along those lines, rather it is more like just loving another human being for what and who they are. And as much as I love these people, I know that deep down I do not wish to marry them. I would love to be friends with them because I know they make good friends, but as life partners, I have a feeling either I am going to drive them nuts, or they are going to drive me nuts, or both. This is why we don't date each other. 

This friend who proposed to me is not one of those people. In fact, as I am writing about this right now, I wonder if I'd like to remain friends with him. I prefer to have a handful individuals that I talk to on a regular basis that I can call friends rather than having a bunch of familiar strangers that I talk to once a year on my phone list. So it is only natural that I ask myself, periodically, whether I'd still like to be friends with some people. This is an exercise I highly recommend by the way, if not only to stop and realise what wonderful friends you actually do have in your life. 

The reason why I am questioning whether this person is my friend or not is his attitude towards marriage. Don't get me wrong, please. I am a child of divorce, so I know that I should not be judging people on their marriages, or their attitudes about marriage. Under ordinary circumstances, I would not give a shit about this. It only becomes an issue when I am involved in it - like helloooo, being asked to marry him, carry his children while he is busy fucking other guys? 

Ever since this particular incident, we hardly talk. How do you recover from a conversation like this? I am not sure I have found the rule book for people in these situations. 

I guess, it might work if this guy is stinking rich and swimming in gold. Then again, I have my own moolah and I am capable of working myself, so his wealth is really somewhat irrelevant to the grand scheme of things, although I do admit that the temptation of money can be rather seductive. His wealth might be able to buy him a life partner eventually, the one who would carry and raise his children, and eventually have an affair with ... err... whoever. And that person, is not me. 

I think I love myself way more than that.

Plus the idea of a husband fucking other men while technically being married to me on paper is extremely revolting. I don't care if he wants to fuck other men, he just cannot be my husband. 

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